um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
