Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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