I'm pants shitting drunk right now
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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