i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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