before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize