Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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