My Higher Power is John Stamos
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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