yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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