Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
