My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
