i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
