I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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