I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
