So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
