I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
When did angry sex become our thing?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
