I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
