I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think my moral compass just broke
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
