This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
