1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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