I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
