I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize