haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
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