i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My breasts were aching with rage.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize