oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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