I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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