I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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