I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this boner is exhausting
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
