Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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