so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
