Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
