Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
