i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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