please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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