Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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