A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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