Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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