I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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