it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
