You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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