does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
