im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
