We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
