I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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