@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize