if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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