Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize