I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
