you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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