I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
