He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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