Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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