All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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