OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
where does the pee come out of this thing
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
