That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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