What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
