He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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