U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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