Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My dick has a subreddit
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
