ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
