he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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