I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
