Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
