Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
