Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
