please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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