I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize