The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
