If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
