PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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