I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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