Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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