just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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